Real Stories. Real Customers. Real Funny.
Customer: One of those seasoned ribeyes.
Me: Here you go!
Customer: Wait. Those are supposed to be $10.99!
Me: The plain ones are $10.99. The seasoned ones are $11.99.
Customer: That’s not what the sign says.
Me: The sign you’re pointing to is in front of the plain ones.
Customer: Your signs are misleading!
Customer: How much are these crab cakes?
Me: I can’t see where you’re pointing. Which one do you mean?
Customer: The $2.49 one.
Customer: Is the “Alaskan King Crab Legs” local?
Customer: Is that a ribeye?
Me: I can’t see through the case from back here. Which one are you pointing at?
Customer: The one behind the Porterhouse sign. Is that a ribeye?
Me: Um...that’s a porterhouse.
Customer: Oh.
Customer: You guys need to do better. The health department is going to shut you down!
Me: I’m sorry?
Customer: You’ve got cooked shrimp next to raw shrimp. Your ignorance is going to make someone sick!
Me: Are you talking about the Argentina Pink Shrimp?
Customer: Yes. It’s disgusting.
Me: Both shrimp are raw. The pink shrimp is just naturally that color.
Customer: Still. How am I to know it’s not cooked?
Me: Well, we label cooked shrimp with a “cooked tag.”
Customer: Still.
Customer: We’ll take two of the “Angus Boneless.”
Me: Which kind would you like?
Customer: The “Angus Boneless.”
Me: Yes, but the Strip steaks? The ribeyes? The tenderloin?
Customer: THE “ANGUS BONELESS!” I’m reading your sign!
Me: Yes, ma’am. The first line of every sign is “Angus Boneless” the line below that is the type of steak.
Customer: “ANGUS BONELESS!!”
Customer: Is this “Argentina Pink Shrimp” cooked?
Me: No ma’am. It’s naturally that red color.
Customer: I’ll take a pound.
(I give it to her)
Customer: This is local?
Me: Um...no...it’s from Argentina.
Customer: I thought that was a brand name. Never mind, I don’t want it.
Customer: I want a piece of salmon.
Me: Sure! Which piece would you like?
Customer: The one in then back.
(I put that piece in a bag.)
Customer: Wait. Is the $12.99 on the tag the price?
Me: Yes, ma’am.
Customer: Never mind. Too expensive. I’ll take some shrimp.
Me: Okay.
Customer: Is the $9.99 on the tag the price?
Customer: (looking at empty case) Where the hell is everything? I want seafood.
Me: We’re not open yet, but I can get anything you need. I’m working to get the stuff out so we can open in two hours.
Customer: Salmon.
(I haven’t set up the fish yet, so I have to dig through several bins to find it.)
Customer: Wait. How much is that a pound?
(It’s a new sale, so I dig through the price tags to find the right one.)
Me: It’s....$8.99.
Customer: I’ll take it.
(I hand him his salmon.)
Customer: You know, it would be a lot easier if that stuff was in the case. Don’t want to tell you your job, but all that searching around wastes time.
Customer: Do you have local shrimp?
Me: Yes ma’am.
Customer: Which one is it? (Reading signs) The Argentina pink shrimp? Or the one with the local flag sticking out of it?
Customer: The sign says you open at 10. Where is everything? Why aren’t you open?
Me: Normally we open at 10. Today’s a bit of a special circumstance, you know with the hurricane and all.
Customer: ...
Me: We had to throw away literally everything.
Customer: The sign says 10.
Customer: What type of meat should I use to make brisket?
Me: I sell briskets right here.
Customer: And that’s what you use to make brisket?
Me: Yes.
Customer: You’re sure?
Customer: One pound of swordfish.
Me: Here ya go!
Customer: I read the sign wrong. I thought it was $5.99 not $15.99. Can I switch it out for the snapper?
Me: Sure. Here ya go.
Customer: I said snapper.
Me: That’s what I gave you.
Customer: (pointing) Snapper.
Me: That’s flounder. The signs are in front of the fish; that’s snapper behind the flounder.
Customer: I’ll do the flounder.
Me: Here ya go.
Customer: Wait. The flounder is way more expensive. I’ll take the snapper.
Me: Here ya go.
Customer: What do you mean the Alaskan Salmon is previously frozen?!?
Me: The season hasn’t opened in Alaska yet. We’ll get the fresh stuff in a few more weeks.
Customer: You shouldn’t label it wild then. Wild means not frozen.
Me: Um...:Wild means it isn’t farm raised.
Customer: Suuure....then what do you label it when it’s fresh?!?
Me: Um.....well.....it will be labeled fresh.
Customer: Where’s your lamb?
Me: Right here!
Customer: I’m not Jewish.
Me: I’m sorry?
Customer: I want normal lamb. I’m not Jewish.
Me: I’m still not following.
Customer: (Holding up package) “Seder farms.” I’m not Jewish! I want normal lamb!
Me: That’s pronounced “Cedar Farms”. It’s the brand name.
Customer: Ah.
Customer: I guess someone forgot to set their alarm.
Me: What?
Customer: Aww....somebody overslept.
Me: I still don’t understand.
Customer: Where is everything? You just get here?
Me: The department doesn’t open for another 3 hours. We’re setting up now.
Customer: Well.....you should have a sign.
(I point to the sign, that is directly in front of her)
Customer: Could you please get me some salmon out of the back...please.
Customer: How many shrimp come in a pound?
Me: I can’t see which ones you’re pointing at. Which ones did you mean?
Customer: (reading the sign) Its the 21/30 count Argentinian pink shrimp.
Me: There’s 21 to 30 in a pound.
Customer: Where are they from?
Me: ....Argentina
Customer: Is this shrimp local?
Me: Are you pointing to the ones on your right? Because those are local.
Customer: I’m pointing at the ones with the little “local flags” on top of them.
Me: ....Yes. Those are local.
Customer: This is disgusting! You support LONG LINE FISHING?!?!
Me: I’m sorry?
Customer: This sign says the tuna was long line caught. That’s irresponsible. Do you know what that does to the environment?
Me: Long line isn’t destructive. They bait individual hooks so they can bring up only what they need. I think you’re thinking of trawling. They drag a net along the ocean floor, it’s the only way to catch shrimp or bottom dwelling fish.
Customer: That’s what I meant. I thought it was called long line fishing.
(She looks at the counter for a few seconds.)
Customer: This sign says the flounder is trawl caught. That’s disgusting. How can you support that?! I’d like to speak to a manager. You need to tell your corporate offices to stop this!
Me: I’ll get you a manager.
Customer: The sign in front of this says Steelhead Trout. Is that what it is?
Me: Yes.
Customer: Are you sure.
Me: Yes, it’s trout.
Customer: I don’t think it is.
Me: I can show you the box.
Customer: Yeah, but where did the box come from?