Real Stories. Real Customers. Real Funny.
Customer: One of those seasoned ribeyes.
Me: Here you go!
Customer: Wait. Those are supposed to be $10.99!
Me: The plain ones are $10.99. The seasoned ones are $11.99.
Customer: That’s not what the sign says.
Me: The sign you’re pointing to is in front of the plain ones.
Customer: Your signs are misleading!
Customer: How much are these crab cakes?
Me: I can’t see where you’re pointing. Which one do you mean?
Customer: The $2.49 one.
Customer: I want a pound of scallops.
Me: Sure thing.
Customer: Wait! They’re $8.99 a pound. That’s $9.02
Me: It’s a little over a pound. I can take one out if you want.
Customer: Do that! And don’t give me any attitude. I understand customer service! I own a buisness downtown!
Other Customer: Can’t be that successful of a business if three cents will break you.
Customer: (on phone) What type of shrimp do you have today?
Me: I’ve got some shrimp from Georgia for $12.99–
Customer: Let’s get one thing clear. I don’t care about the price. I want to know the type of shrimp.
Me: Okay. I’ve got shrimp from Georgia, Argentina, and Indonesia.
Customer: I’ll be sending my wife for the Georgia ones. Goodbye.
(The phone rings 4 minutes later)
Customer: I just called about the shrimp. How much is the Georgia shrimp?
Me: $12.99.
Customer: This price right on this turkey?
Me: Yes, sir.
Customer: Shit. I was hoping it was wrong. Well, $90 is a bit much to pay to learn to call ahead next time. Oh well, hope organic is worth it.
Me: You’re buying it?!
Customer: I don’t have much of a choice. I waited too long. Happy thanksgiving!
Customer: I think you’ve mislabeled something out here.
Me: What is it?
Customer: Somebody priced this turkey $92.56. That can’t be right.
Me: That’s the price. Organic stuff is a little more expensive.
Customer: Wow. I wasn’t aware that Tesla made a turkey.
Customer with little girl: This $90 turkey is all that you got?
Me: I’m sorry. It is.
Customer: You ain't got oysters, your turkey is pricey as hell. How am I supposed to have Thanksgiving?!
Little Girl: Momma, I'd Thanksgiving over already?
Customer: Turkeys?
Me: I’ve got one left.
Customer: $92?! For that price it better give me a blowjob.
Customer: This Turkey is expensive.
Me: Yes, ma’am. It’s organic.
Customer: 90 bucks. Hard to be thankful for that.
Customer: You got any turkeys?
Me: I’ve got a couple organic turkeys left. Just a heads up, they’re really big.
Customer: $92?! Why is it so expensive?
Me: They’re organic.
Customer: Um...you got any synthetic ones?
Customer: How much is this Dasani?
Me: I don’t know. I can...
Customer: You can read the barcode?!
Me: There’s not a scanner back here. I can...
Customer: You can’t read the barcode?!
Me: You have to use a scanner. I can’t read it by sight. I can...
Customer: That’s some shit.
Me: I can take it up front and scan it.
Customer: (Eye roll) I can do that! (Walks away)
Customer: I want a piece of salmon.
Me: Sure! Which piece would you like?
Customer: The one in then back.
(I put that piece in a bag.)
Customer: Wait. Is the $12.99 on the tag the price?
Me: Yes, ma’am.
Customer: Never mind. Too expensive. I’ll take some shrimp.
Me: Okay.
Customer: Is the $9.99 on the tag the price?
Customer: (looking at empty case) Where the hell is everything? I want seafood.
Me: We’re not open yet, but I can get anything you need. I’m working to get the stuff out so we can open in two hours.
Customer: Salmon.
(I haven’t set up the fish yet, so I have to dig through several bins to find it.)
Customer: Wait. How much is that a pound?
(It’s a new sale, so I dig through the price tags to find the right one.)
Me: It’s....$8.99.
Customer: I’ll take it.
(I hand him his salmon.)
Customer: You know, it would be a lot easier if that stuff was in the case. Don’t want to tell you your job, but all that searching around wastes time.
Me: Here’s your beef tenderloin.
Customer: On senior day I like to buy things young people like you couldn’t possibly afford.
Me: Um...okay. Sounds like a plan.
Customer: That’s the $9.99 /lb one not $10.99 /lb one right? And you’re sure that’s the smallest one you’ve got?
Customer: How many shrimp come in the “31/40 count white shrimp?”
Me: There are 31 to 40 in a pound.
Customer: How many are in a half a pound?
Customer: $16.99 a pound is too expensive for this shrimp.
Me: You’re not paying full price, it’s on sale for $11.99.
Customer: Why are they $16.99?
Me: It costs more when they are peeled and deveined. Also they’re on sale for $11.99.
Customer: I don’t want them. That’s not market price.
Customer: Why are the T-bones so cheap?
Me: They’re just the sale item this week.
Customer: What’s wrong with them? Are they old?
Me: No. I just got them in. They’re just on sale.
Customer: No way. I know how you operate. You put old stuff on sale. I’m not falling for that!
(She proceeds to buy a fillet mignon, the sale item from last week)
Customer: One pound of shrimp.
Me: Sure thing!
(I start putting shrimp in a bag. I stop to throw it on the scale to see where I’m at)
Customer: Can I look at that?
(I show him how much is in the bag)
Customer: How much is that?
Me: (putting it back on the scale) 3/4 of a pound.
Customer: I wanted a pound.
Me: I wasn’t finished yet.
(I put some more shrimp in the bag)
Customer:Okay. That’s fine right there.
(I put in on the scale to print a price)
Customer: How much was it?
Me: .87 of a pound.
Customer: ONE POUND!! How hard is that?!
Customer: (Pointing to the sign that reads “Slab Bacon: $6.99/lb”) Is this slab bacon?
Me: Yes, ma’am.
Customer: And it’s $6.99 per pound?
Me: Yes, ma’am. How much would you like?
Customer: I don’t want any.
(She walks away)
Customer: How much is this shrimp?
Me: $12.99 a pound.
Customer: I’ll take a pound.
(I bag it up.)
Customer: How much was that?
Me: It’s one pound on the dot!
Customer: What’s the price?
Me: Um....$12.99
Customer: I’ll take it!