Heart Shaped Box Beef
Customer: Whats that?!
Me: A ribeye butterflied into the shape of a heart.
Customer: That’s disturbing.
Tone Change
Customer: I want a ribeye!
Me: Did you want...
Customer: (hands on hip) DON’T you DARE tell me you DON’T have them!! I’m SICK of this “we ran out on thanksgiving” BULLSHIT!!
Me: Um...I was asking if you wants bone in or boneless.
Customer: (huge smile, sweet voice) Boneless. Thank you so much! I appreciate you!
The Day After
Customer: Where are you hiding the turkeys?
Me: I’m sorry. I’m all out.
Customer: That’s just great! Thanks a lot man. You know, some people do their thanksgiving later than Thursday. Some of us actually have to work on thanksgiving!
Closing Time
“Attention shoppers: we will be closing in 30 minutes.”
Customer: Why are you closing?
Me: We only stay open until 2 on Thanksgiving.
Customer: I’m not American. I don’t give a fuck about this holiday. I’m taking my time, they can try and throw me out.
As The World Stops
Customer: Where are your turkeys?
Me: I’m sorry. I just sold the last one I had.
Customer: When’s your next delivery?
Me: It won’t be until before Christmas.
Customer: That’s shitty. The world doesn’t stop because there’s a holiday.
Bye Bye Birdy
Customer: This price right on this turkey?
Me: Yes, sir.
Customer: Shit. I was hoping it was wrong. Well, $90 is a bit much to pay to learn to call ahead next time. Oh well, hope organic is worth it.
Me: You’re buying it?!
Customer: I don’t have much of a choice. I waited too long. Happy thanksgiving!
Electric Bird
Customer: I think you’ve mislabeled something out here.
Me: What is it?
Customer: Somebody priced this turkey $92.56. That can’t be right.
Me: That’s the price. Organic stuff is a little more expensive.
Customer: Wow. I wasn’t aware that Tesla made a turkey.
They’re not all bad
Customer: I bought a turkey from another store, when I opened it, it was bad. Do you have one left?
Me: I’ve got one, but it’s big.
Customer: There’s just two of us. (Looking into the market) You’re not cutting any meat today are you?
Me: We don’t really process anything on thanksgiving. What did you want?
Customer: Since I can’t do a turkey, I thought maybe a standing rib roast, but I don’t want you to dirty anything.
Me: I can cut you a roast.
Customer: You really don’t have to.
Me: I’ve got you. Give me 10 minutes.
(I give them the roast)
Customer: Thank you so much! You’ve saved Thanksgiving! Can I do anything for you?
Me: All day, I’ve been told how much I’ve ruined thanksgiving. You saying I saved it is more than enough. Happy Thanksgiving!
Nuked Bird
Customer: I need to return this Thanksgiving meal.
Me: Those are actually from the deli on the other side of the store. Was there something wrong with it?
Customer: I couldn’t fit the whole turkey in the microwave.
Canceled
Customer with little girl: This $90 turkey is all that you got?
Me: I’m sorry. It is.
Customer: You ain't got oysters, your turkey is pricey as hell. How am I supposed to have Thanksgiving?!
Little Girl: Momma, I'd Thanksgiving over already?
Why Are We Here?
Customer : Why would this company make people work on Thanksgiving?
Me: Well, as long as there are customers in the store, someone needs to be here.
Customer : That's just dumb and inconsiderate.
Me : Happy Thanksgiving.
Customer : You too!
Break Your Neck
Customer: You got neck bones?
Me: Sorry, we're all out.
Customer: You had them yesterday! Man! Damn.
Ham It Up
Customer: No more hams?
Me: No more hams.
Customer: Whole hams?
Me: No.
Customer: Half hams?
Me: No
Customer: Spiral?
Me: No
Customer: ... Half hams?
Lies
Customer: Got any more turkeys?
Me: No, ma'am.
Customer: DON'T YOU LIE TO ME!!
Ma’am
"Yes ma'am, that organic turkey is the only one I have left."
“Yes, ma’am. It is expensive.”
"Yes ma'am, it is ridiculous that we're out of fresh turkeys on Thanksgiving. "
"No ma'am, I don't have any in the back."
"I'm sorry ma'am that we ruined your thanksgiving."
"No ma'am, that 18 lb frozen turkey will not be thawed out by 2:00"
"No ma'am, I don't recommend cooking it frozen."
"Happy Thanksgiving to you too, ma'am. "
(These were all from the same woman. )
Blessed
Customer: This Turkey is expensive.
Me: Yes, ma’am. It’s organic.
Customer: 90 bucks. Hard to be thankful for that.
Time Keeps On Slipping
(Phone rings)
Me: Good morning. Meat department. How may I help you?
Customer : Just calling to see if you're open.
Me: Yes sir. The store closes at 2.
Customer: Closing at 2? That's fucking ridiculous! You're store is open 24 hours a day!
Me: We have amended hours on holidays.
Customer: Bullshit! I can't get there until 4. Someone will have to let me in.
Me: there won't really be anyone here past 2:30.
Customer: Fuck that! Happy Thanksgiving! (Slams phone down)
Explosive Holiday
Customer: Why can't I cook the turkey while is frozen?
Me: Well, if you cook it in the oven, it will come out undercooked and you could get sick.
Customer:I was gonna fry it.
Me: Oh. In that case, you run the risk of it exploding.
Customer: Ah. I see. Would you put this turkey back for me?
The Price Of Waiting
Customer: You got any turkeys?
Me: I’ve got a couple organic turkeys left. Just a heads up, they’re really big.
Customer: $92?! Why is it so expensive?
Me: They’re organic.
Customer: Um...you got any synthetic ones?
Sell! sell!
Customer: (on phone) I bought a 12lb turkey, but now there are more people coming over. I’ll need a bigger turkey.
Me: Okay. I’ve got a few.
Customer: I don’t want to cook two turkeys. I’ll be returning the other turkey so you can resell it.
Me: I can’t resell it. If you return it, I have to throw it away.
Customer: Oh well. I’m returning it anyway. I don’t want to cook two turkeys.