Any fresher and it would be grazing
Customer: Do you have any veal chops?
Me: Some just came in on my truck like 5 minutes ago. Let me see if I can find it.
Me: (opening a new box) Here you go!
Customer: How fresh is it?
Blame Game
Customer: Do you have any more of the grass fed ground beef?
Me: No, ma’am. I’m sorry. The plant we get our ground beef from had to temporarily close because several people tested positive.
Customer: You guys can’t blame Covid forever!!! That’s bullshit!!
Clean Tuna
Customer: I want tuna.
Me: Okay.
Customer: These ones could have touched the other fish. I want one from the back.
Me: Okay.
(I bring out a piece.)
Customer: No! That one is already open. I want to see you open it.
Me: Okay.
(I bring out a piece, still in the vacuum pack.)
Customer: No! I want to see you open the box.
Me: Okay.
(I bring out a box, open it, take out a vacuum pack, open it, and hand it to her.)
Customer: Thank you.
Other customer: Gee, I hope nobody mishandled that in the boat, at the packing plant, at the warehouse, or in the truck.
(The first customer looks mortified.)
Get it together
Customer: I’ve been in here 4 times. There’s no meatloaf mix.
Me: I’m sorry. There’s a bunch of items we’re not getting in right now.
Customer: Are you sure you’re ordering it?
Me: I personally ordered it yesterday. The warehouse doesn’t have any.
Customer: Well, they need to get it together.
Shoot yourself In The Foot
(The store has been opening an hour early so that senior citizens can shop.)
Customer: Why don’t you have any chickens?!
Me: My truck isn’t here yet.
Customer: You should get your trucks early!
Me: They used to come in at 5am, but the neighborhood complained about hearing the trucks. They threatened to stop shopping if we didn’t change it. Now they can’t come in before 8.
Customer: ….I remember voting in favor of that..
Walkabout
Customer: I was just at your other store an hour ago and they had plenty of hamburger. Why don’t you have any?
Me: We didn’t get a truck today, and currently, our trucks are only coming in with so much. If you don’t mind me asking, why didn’t you buy it at the other store?
Customer: Wasn’t really shopping then. Just wanted to get out of the house and walk around a bit.
For Sale
Customer: (comes to the counter and looks around) You still selling this salmon?
Me: Um...yes.
Customer: Never can tell anymore. You guys don’t have much.
Me: If you see it, I’m selling it.
Customer: I don’t see any chuck roasts.
Me: I’m out.
Customer: Darn.
Late Truck
Customer: (looking at half empty shelves and tons of people in the store) Your truck late?
Me: No. We aren’t getting one today.
Customer: Someone should lose their job over that.
Restock
(The department is closed, We’ve done record business, we’re out of a lot of stuff, and I’m leaving for the day.)
Customer: (To other customer) Wow. They didn’t restock anything today did they? That’s not good business.
Did you hear
Customer: Where’s your split chicken breasts?
Me: I’m all out. We’re only getting in about half of what we ordered and people are buying it up quickly.
Customer: That’s shitty! Don’t know if you heard, but there’s an outbreak going on! (He storms away)
Going Viral
Customer: Don’t see any lamb out here.
Me: I’m sorry. We’re switching suppliers, so we’re having a hard time getting it in right now.
Customer: Bet it’s because of all that. Nonsense in China. Coronavirus stuff.
Me: I mean...all our lamb is domestic.
Customer: Freaking China...
Hell in a Hand basket
Customer: Where’s your lamb chops?
Me: I’m sorry. We’re currently switching to a new supplier, so we haven’t been able to get any in for a few days. It should be back to normal in a couple of days.
Customer: This country is going to hell!
Are You Sure
Customer: Do y’all have any neck bones?
Me: No ma’am. We are all out. I do have some ham hocks.
Customer: (Pointing to where the neck bones normally are) Are there any over there?
Me: I’m sorry. There aren’t.
Customer: None in the back?
Me: No ma’am. I just checked for a customer. We’re all out
Customer: Ok... well this store BLOWS!
The Day After
Customer: Where are you hiding the turkeys?
Me: I’m sorry. I’m all out.
Customer: That’s just great! Thanks a lot man. You know, some people do their thanksgiving later than Thursday. Some of us actually have to work on thanksgiving!
As The World Stops
Customer: Where are your turkeys?
Me: I’m sorry. I just sold the last one I had.
Customer: When’s your next delivery?
Me: It won’t be until before Christmas.
Customer: That’s shitty. The world doesn’t stop because there’s a holiday.
Canceled
Customer with little girl: This $90 turkey is all that you got?
Me: I’m sorry. It is.
Customer: You ain't got oysters, your turkey is pricey as hell. How am I supposed to have Thanksgiving?!
Little Girl: Momma, I'd Thanksgiving over already?
Break Your Neck
Customer: You got neck bones?
Me: Sorry, we're all out.
Customer: You had them yesterday! Man! Damn.
Ham It Up
Customer: No more hams?
Me: No more hams.
Customer: Whole hams?
Me: No.
Customer: Half hams?
Me: No
Customer: Spiral?
Me: No
Customer: ... Half hams?
Lies
Customer: Got any more turkeys?
Me: No, ma'am.
Customer: DON'T YOU LIE TO ME!!
Ma’am
"Yes ma'am, that organic turkey is the only one I have left."
“Yes, ma’am. It is expensive.”
"Yes ma'am, it is ridiculous that we're out of fresh turkeys on Thanksgiving. "
"No ma'am, I don't have any in the back."
"I'm sorry ma'am that we ruined your thanksgiving."
"No ma'am, that 18 lb frozen turkey will not be thawed out by 2:00"
"No ma'am, I don't recommend cooking it frozen."
"Happy Thanksgiving to you too, ma'am. "
(These were all from the same woman. )