So Confusing
Customer: Do you have local shrimp?
Me: Yes ma’am.
Customer: Which one is it? (Reading signs) The Argentina pink shrimp? Or the one with the local flag sticking out of it?
Give Me A Sign
Customer: Your selection sucks today! Where are all the steaks?
Me: We don’t open for another two hours. I can cut you whatever you need.
Customer: (looking at a half empty case with the lights out, below a sign that says “Hours: 9am- 10pm”) How the hell am I supposed to know you’re not open?!
Let Them Stew
Customer: I want to make beef stew. Is this what I need? The...(reading package label)... beef stew meat? Is that what you use to make beef stew?
To Bacon, or Not To Bacon
(The department has been closed for 30 minutes. I’m cleaning up before I leave)
Customer: Hey man. Where’s the good bacon?!
Me: It’s in the back, I pulled it after I closed. I have hickory smoked and maple chipotle. Which kind did you want?
Customer: Chipotle. Half a pound.
(I go into the back, unwrap the pan, get him half a pound, rewrap the pan.)
(5 mins later, he comes back)
Customer: (handing me the bacon) I don’t want the bacon.
Me: Okay.
(Ten minutes later, he comes back)
Customer: Can I get half a pound of the hickory bacon?
Keep Your Cool
Customer: When did you put this salmon out?
Me: When we opened an hour ago.
Customer: Anything fresher?
Me: I’ve got more, but it’s from the same box.
Customer: But that salmon hasn’t been sitting out.
Me: Um...the case is refrigerated.
Customer: Oh! Okay. I’ll take a pound.
Dear God
Customer: (pointing to the swordfish that is labeled “swordfish.”) I’ll take the smallest piece of tuna.
Me: That’s swordfish. I’m out of tuna.
Customer: OH DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN, I can’t cook that!! I ruin it every time!!
(He hurriedly walks away)
Cheaters Never Prosper
Customer: I don’t need anything. My husband has been stealing steaks from you guys for awhile. I just found out he’s cheating on me. Here’s his Facebook. This is what he looks like. I want you guys to arrest him next time he comes in.
Be Careful
(I am frantically cutting meat trying to fill a counter after 3 days of snow, no trucks, and tons of business. )
Me: Can I help you?
Customer: Yeah. You’re cutting what I need.
Me: Top sirloin?
Customer: Oh, I thought that was fillet mignon.
Me: It’ll take me 10 minutes, but I can cut you a few.
Customer: I’ll wait.
Me: Okay.
Customer: You know, I went to my office on Broad Street this morning. The sidewalks are so icy.
Me: Yeah. It’s pretty rough out there.
Customer: It’s really dangerous. There is no reason that anyone should be out on the roads.
Me: Yeah….um….here’s your steak. Be safe out there.
What ‘cha doing?
(I’m cutting on the saw. A customer comes up and rings the bell. I turn off the saw, wash my hands, and walk over)
Me: How can in help you?
Customer: What ya doing back there?Cutting meat?
Me: Um...yes sir. What can I get you?
Customer: I don’t need anything.
(He walks away)
And Another Thing
Customer: I want this chicken breast.
Me: Yes, sir!
(I bag it up.)
Customer: And this one. And this one. And this one.
(I undo the bag and grab the other chicken breasts)
Customer: That’s all.
(I print out the label.)
Customer: I want this one too.
(I throw away the label, undo the bag, and get the other breast.)
Me: Anything else?
Customer: No.
Me: Here you go!
Customer: Bag then 2 in one bag, 3 in another.
(I throw away the new label, undo the bag, and separate them)
Things’ll be great when you’re downtown
Customer: Do you have more fresh shrimp?
Me: No, sir. We just started getting the fresh shrimp back in. This was the only box since the storm. We’ll start getting them regularly in a day or so.
Customer: That’s terrible! You can’t treat me like this; I own a business downtown!!
Show Your Work
Customer: How many shrimp come in the “31/40 count white shrimp?”
Me: There are 31 to 40 in a pound.
Customer: How many are in a half a pound?
Poor Guy
Customer: Tell me about the monk fish.
Me: It’s great! It has a real sweet taste kinda like a lobster. In fact, they used to call it “the poor man’s lobster.”
Customer: Cool. I’ll take a pound.
(Five minutes later)
Customer Service Clerk: Hey. A customer just complained on you. He said you called him poor.
Plan B
Me: We lost everything during the storm.
Customer: You guys really should have a better plan in place. Like having someone work during the storm.
Me: The logic is if someone got hurt during the storm, it would be worse than losing some product.
Customer: (Eye roll) I guess.
Local Shrimp
Customer: Any fresh local shrimp?
Me: We lost everything in the storm.
Customer: Why the hell not?! Its local, it shouldn’t take that long to get more.
Me: Shrimp boats don’t run during a hurricane.
(He stomps away)
Yes We Have No Hamburger
Customer: Hamburger!!!
Me: I’m sorry. We had to throw everything away after the storm and now I’m waiting on my truck to fill it back up.
Customer: SO YOU DON’T HAVE HAMBURGER?!?!?
Me: I’m sorry.
Customer: JESUS! WHAT ABOUT YOUR OTHER STORES?!?! THIS IS TERRIBLE!!!
Show Me A Sign
Customer: The sign says you open at 10. Where is everything? Why aren’t you open?
Me: Normally we open at 10. Today’s a bit of a special circumstance, you know with the hurricane and all.
Customer: ...
Me: We had to throw away literally everything.
Customer: The sign says 10.
I see.
Customer: Do you have any shrimp?
Me: We lost everything during the storm.
Customer: I see. Do you have any hamburger?
Me: We lost 100% of our product. I don’t have anything.
Customer: I see. Salmon?
Me: We had to throw everything away.
Customer: I see.
Storm Shift
Customer: It’s ridiculous that you don’t have anything today.
Me: We lost refrigeration during the storm. We had to throw everything away.
Customer: You should have had people working during the storm so they could pull everything when your fridge stopped.
As the world stops
Customer: Do you have more lamb chops?
Me: I will when my truck gets here. It’s running late because of all of the evacuation traffic.
Customer: That’s unacceptable! The world doesn’t stop because there’s a storm off the coast!!