Stopping them is bothering them

(It’s 5am. The store opens at 6. I text the grocery manager to unlock the front door and let me in.)

(When I walk up, there’s a woman waiting by the door.)

Customer: This is crazy. I can’t believe I can’t get in.

Me: I’m sorry, we don’t open for another hour.

Customer: Is that everyday?!

Me: Yes, ma’am. Everyday.

Customer: This is crazy. I can see people in there. They should let me in, I wouldn’t bother anyone.

Me: Well, there isn’t any money in the registers.

Customer:Someone in there knows how to run a register. They could stop what they’re doing and check me out.

(An hour later I see the woman checking out. All she has is a 24 pack of Miller High Life.)

Po-ta-toes

(I’m working the lunch meat case. I find some of those ready to eat mashed potatoes that are out of date. I pull them to take to the back.)

Customer: Is that what you do?! You’re going to open those and sell them to us?!?!

Me: Um…no. These packages are the only way I’ve sell mashed potatoes; These are out of date. I’m going to…

Customer: That makes it worse!

Me: I’m going to throw them out.

Customer: I don’t believe you. I want to see you throw them out.

Me: Um…okay. I have to scan them out first. I’ll need to go grab a handheld scanner.

Customer: I’ll wait.

(I go get the scanner. She’s still there when I get back. She watches me scan them out and throw them in a trash can.)

Customer: How do I know you’re not going to pull those out as soon as I leave?!

Milk made (me leave)

Customer: Why don’t you carry milk anymore?

Me: (looking past her to the dairy) The milk case is right behind you.

Customer: You’re always out of the one I want!

Me: What kind are you looking for?

Customer: The kind I always get.

Me: Let me get you someone from diary; they should be able to help you.

Customer: Forget it! I’ll just shop somewhere else!

Marriage Counseling

Two weeks ago

Wife: I need a standing rib roast for Christmas. We have 6 people.

Me: I’d go with 3 ribs. That’ll give you a some for leftovers too.

Wife: No no no. I want 4 ribs.

Me: Okay. That’s gonna be a lot.

Wife: 4 ribs!

Today

Husband: I’m here to pick up a roast for Smith.

Me: Here ya go!

Husband: Thanks!

Couple of minutes later.

Husband: This is huge.

Me: The order was for 4 ribs.

Husband: There’s only 6 of us. Can you cut one of these bones off?

Me: Um…sure.

Later.

The phone rings.

Wife( on phone) I ordered a standing rib roast with four ribs and you gave my husband one with three ribs!

Hamming it up

Customer: I called and had someone put aside a ham for me.

Me: Here it is.

Customer: I want to talk to a manager.

Me: Um…okay.

Customer: (talking to the manager) your other stores in the city don’t have any hams. You need to transfer yours to them.

Manager: That’s not really feasible today.

Later

Customer: (talking to the employee in the dairy) They should transfer theirs to the other stores.

Early

Customer: Picking up a roast for Jenkins.

Me: (looking through the special order book) Um…it isn’t cut yet, but I can…

Customer: Why the hell isn’t it ready yet?!?! That’s why I order early!!!

Me: Well, when you ordered it early, you said you wanted to pick it up tomorrow. I can cut it now, give me like 5 minutes.

Customer: (not making eye contact) Okay. Thank you.

A karen in the wild

(I’m finishing up helping a customer pick out a steak. A customer comes to the counter and starts freaking out. The phone starts ringing. I walk to the service case.)

Me: How can I help you?

Customer: I’VE BEEN WAITING FOREVER!!! I RANG YOUR BELL!!!! I’VE GOT A DOG THAT NEEDS WALKED!!!

(She hangs up her cell phone, the phone in the market stops)

Customer: I NEED A POUND OF SALMON BUT I DON’T WANT ALL THIS STUFF WITH THE CEDAR PLANKS!!!! CAN YOU CUT THIS WHOLE SIDE?!?!

Me: Sure. Just so you know, the price goes up if you don’t buy the whole thing.

Customer: I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THAT!

Me: Okay. I just wanted to let you know.

(I cut her salmon and skin it for her. She snatches it out of my hand and storms off.)

(A minute later)

Customer: What did you do with the other pieces?

Me: I’m getting ready to tray them up.

Customer: I want those instead of this one.

Me: Sure. These are 2lbs not 1lb.

Customer: I’M SORRY I WASN’T CLEAR!!!!

(She snatches the other ones and storms off.)

Feeling Empty

Customer: I want a New York Strip.

Me: I’ve got some right here.

Customer: I like to buy them out of here. (He gestures. To empty service case with the lights out.)

Me: We don’t set that up today. But it’s the same stuff out here.

Customer: I want to buy out of here.

Me: Sir, there’s nothing in there.

Boxing Match

(I’m working out lunch meat. So when I empty a box, I break it down, and put it in a shopping cart so I can take it to the bailer when I’m done.)

(A customer comes up with an arm full of groceries. )

Customer: I need this cart.

Me: I can run up front and get you one.

Customer: I don’t have time for that.

(She proceeds to dump my empty boxes on the floor and take the buggy.)

2 and a half

Customer: Do you have any peeled and deveined shrimp that’s any bigger?

Me: Sure. It’ll take about 10 minutes or so for me to thaw it out.

Customer: I’ll take 2 1/2 pounds.

Me: Sure thing.

Customer: I want 2 1/2 pounds.

Me: Gotcha.

(I start to walk to the back to get the shrimp).

Customer: 2 1/2 pounds!

(She comes back later to get them.)

Customer: I need 2 1/2 lbs.