Complaint Department

Customer: I’m here to pick up lobsters I ordered. Name’s Smith.

Me: Yes ma’am. I’ll get them for you.

Customer: Check them. Make sure they’re not dead. I got a dead one last time.

Me: Yes ma’am.

(I hand her her lobsters)

Customer: A month ago, I got bad shrimp.

Me: I’m sorry that happened.

Customer: How can I guarantee that doesn’t happen again?

Me: Um….we can let you smell them?

Customer: Fine. Why can’t I buy tomahawk pork chops here?!

Me: I have them out here.

Customer: I used to buy them out of here.

Me: Yes, ma’am, but they change what we put under the glass. It depends on the time of year or if there’s a holiday. I’ve got tomahawks right here.

Customer: I like to pick them out.

Me: They’re individually wrapped. You can still pick them out.

Customer: I like the ones under the glass.

Me: These are the same ones.

Customer: You can’t get good service anywhere anymore!